Eighty-five Ways to Turn Goat Offal into Savory Sweets!

Posted by Nicky Drayden on Nov 30, 2014 in Writer's Life

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I’ve written 50,000 words this month! I’ve been getting up at 3am, 4am, 5am pretty consistently to bang this thing out and it’s done. I’ve got 38,000 of workable novel (still have about 30,000 left to finish the story), plus 12,000 words of crap in the form of culled storylines, stream of consciousness tirades, double middle names for everyone, and nixed contractions. Plus there’s this…an excerpt from the book my main character stumbles upon in the library while waiting for his brother to show up. It’s also translated into pig Latin, which gave me another 2,500 words. I’m not proud. Okay, so I am. I wrote a frickin’ novel in thirty days.

 

Now without further ado, Eighty-five Ways to Turn Goat Offal into Savory Sweets!

 

So your Narrow Season has come and gone, and now You are left with a picked over goat carcass…do not let that meat and organs go to waste! What once was peasant food is now posh dining when you add spices and crèmes and sugars to even the most awful of offal. Each dish includes full-color photos and step by step instructions, cooking times, and serving suggestions and presentation ideas that will impress coworkers, clients, and the in-laws alike.

These recipes will have you begging your butcher for access to his organ trough and bribing your neighbors for a spare tongue or udder. If you enjoy these recipes, buy a copy of this book for a friend. Give the gift of offal to someone you love!

Goat a-la mode: Some people stick to having Goat as the main meal, but it can be used as a base for a dessert as well. This recipe explore the cross mingling of savory and sweet, by bringing out the flavoring of seared goat with heavy creams, natural sugars, and caramel. See page 13 for photos and recipe.

Goat Berry Pie: This culinary delight, uses fresh fruit juices to resuscitate the dried remains of that Narrrow Season dinner. Just toss the leftover mean and fresh berries into a pie crust and top with whipping cream once it is cooled. This simple crowd pleaser will having you scraping your goat down to the bones. See page 18 for photos and recipe.

Sunrise Goat Sorbet: This wonderfully cool treat uses pureed goat liver as its main ingredient, along with lemon zest and orange juice to make a chilled dessert bursting with flavor. This one will have your kids begging your for more. Add a shot of tinibu for an adult version.

I-Heart Chocolate-Banana Goat Pops: Get ready to spoil your taste buds! This recipe uses three simple ingredients, but it’ll taste like you slaved away in the kitchen for hours. Choclate sauce, pureed banana, and goat’s blood squeezed from the heart is all that is needed to make this all-time favorite snack. Bring the mix to a boil and pour into moulds. Freeze for four to six hours and serve to your family and friends.

Goat Brulee: This recipe requires a bit more effort, but the results are worth it. You’ll need a torch to get the caramelization just right. Do not skimp on the ingredients here, and if You are dieting, pass this one over. The heavier the cream, the more your tastebuds will delight. Ask your butcher for the thinnest cuts, and you’ll save time. Layer meat and creme – seven layers is ideal, but this will depend on your dish. Definitely do not do less than five or more than ten, because your risk the dish being over or undercooked.

Goat Floats: Another quick and dirty recipe. Three scoops of malted toure in a glass, pour over two cups of Tinibu, and top with curried goat cubes. You can get theses pre-cooked at your grocer, so you can skip the stove all-together for a quick after work treat.

Goat Jam: Not a dessert per say, but equal parts minced goat and peaches canned in a cup of sugar makes a yummy spread for a quick breakfast. Make several batches at once, and it’ll last you through half of the year.

Airy Three-goat Cake: This recipe requires the lung meat from three goats, hence the catchy name. This one will take some practice, so do not get upset if your first attempt is a flop. Lay out the lung meat in a single layer in a pan and drizzle with honey and lemon zest and let sit overnight. When it is set, it’ll have a spongy spring to it and the surface will bounce back quickly into place after you release. Coat liberally with cinnamon, cut into shape using your cake pan as a template, and then incorporate as the filling between two layers or more layers of cake. An extra pair of steady hand is useful here, so enlist some help and share the delicious results.

Vanilla Goat Wafers: This one is so easy, even the kiddos can make it. Cover a pie plate with Vanilla Wafers, and carefully cover with two packets of prepared goat pudding. Store bought is fine. Chill and serve. A sprig of mint on top is all that is needed to fancy this up enough for guests.

Chocolate Goat Fudge Chocolate: Okay, chocolate lovers, this one is for you. There are several variations of this one running around, but this is the best I have come across. Put the minced goat directly into your fudge at the beginning of your cooking process. I know this sounds counterintuitive. The flavor will be more delicate, and the goat chucks less pronounced, but that is what we’re going for with this one. Subtlely. This is a dessert you want to enjoy slowly, with a glass of wine, picking up the fine notes of the goat blended with those of the chocolate. Dark chocolate works best here. Whip these up for Narrow Season gifts. Your family will thank you!

Raspberry Goat Ribs: When the summer heats up and You are feeling like a braai, throw some raspberry goat ribs on the grill. Marinate the ribs overnight in raspberry jam, and You are all set for a poolside crowd pleaser.

Sugared Goat Balls: When you’ve got a mouthful of these, you’ll know no greater pleasure in the world! Puree one cup of goat meat (any parts, but thigh meat is best) and combine with two cups dough. Knead thoroughly, and then roll into one and a half inch balls. Drop carefully into oil and fry for three to four minutes, or until a crisp golden brown. Drain on towels, and sprinkle with powdered sugar while still hot.

Goat Meringue Pie: Do not let this one intimidate you if You are a less experienced cook. Yes, it can be hard to get that elusive perfectly pert meringue, but even if you fail, the results are still delicious! You might be tempted to sweeten this one up with citrus, but if you sugar is all you need to make those goaty flavors shine through in this dessert. The secret here is to puree the goat meat, cook it down, and then puree it again for that extra smooth blend that just slides down the back of your throat. Do yourself a favor and do not pass this one up!

Fruit and Goat Salad: You are on a diet, and you still want to enjoy a savory-sweet treat? A quick, fresh fruit and goat salad is the way to go. Chop your meat into small cubes for the best result, and then blend into a syrup consisting of four tablespoons of light cream, two tablespoons of lemon juice, and a teaspoon of sugar. Warm in a sauce pan and drizzle over a bowl of your favorite fruit.

Hooves and Horn Glace: This one’s just in time for those Narrow Season leftovers. The goat meat has been picked off the carcass, the bones have been made into broth, and all you’ve got left are those horns and hooves you mother taught you to discard. Not so fast! All you need is a fine cheese grater to grind those extra parts down into a vitamin-rich treasure that make the perfect glacee pops for kids and adults alike. Follow a standard glace recipe (or see page 433 for an example) and sprinkle in the horn and hooves shavings for a little texture and taste. I recommend cherry flavored pops, but really, any fruit will work nicely.

Spiced Tinibu with Drippings: Another Narrow Season favorite, this recipe double the entrail flavor in your favorite holiday drink by using the goat drippings as you prepare your festive meal. Simply place empty the drip tray midway through your goat preparation into picture, mix in six twelve-ounce cans of Tinubu, three cups of heavy cream, a splash of vanilla and cloves to taste. A few dashes of cinnamon will leave your tastebuds as high as your spirits when you taste this concoction, and keep you warm throughout the season.

Nutty Pecan Pie: This recipe is great all year round! Mash two pounds of goat testes and simmer with a cup of white wine, a cup of sugar, and a cup of butter. Pour filling into a homemade or store bought pie crust and bake for twenty minutes. Top with crushed pecans and cook an additional fifteen minutes or until slightly browned. Be sure to keep and eye on it! The last thing you want is the taste of burnt nuts in your mouth!

Apple n Knuckle Fritters: Do not just toss those leftover bits of cartilage! Carefully slice them up into strips along with apples, dunk them in batter, and spoon them onto a hot skillet for a few minutes on each side until golden brown. A handful of raisins tossed in make a perfect addition to this recipe if you have them on hand for a little added sweetness. No artificial sweeteners needed for this one!

Strawberry Goatcake: This isn’t your typical goatcake, but a variation straight from North Ancho Ancho Answar. You are probably used to chunks of meat throughout the cream cheese filling, but in this recipe, the goat meat goes right into the crust! Half a cup of minced meat and folded into your favorite graham cracker crust recipe will get you there quick. Top with filling and ripe red strawberries, and chill for three hours. Perfect summer treat!

Goat-a Mocha Cake: Make these cakes in single serving pans and have all your party guests raving. Moist chocolate cake with a rich dark chocolate and goat chunk filling will delight even the most refined palates. Best served with dark roast coffee, but beware: once your guests take a bite, they won’t be able to stop themselves!

Pineapple Hoofside-down cake: Technically, the goat is just a garnish on this one, but it is so much fun to serve, we had to include it. Use a traditional upside down cake recipe, and after it is plated, use four hooves removed at the ankle knuckles and carefully place them into the cake so that their evenly spaced out and the hooves all face the ceiling. Top each hoof with whipped topping and a cherry. Tuck the goat tail under the serving plate for an extra touch of whimsy.

Lemon Bladder Bars: Bladder meat is often overlooked, but it adds double the tang to a traditional lemon bar recipe. Just toss them in a saucepan with a fourth cup of water and a dash of apple cider vinegar and let the magic happen on its own. After about ten minutes you’ll be left with a clear sludge that will blend in perfectly with your lemon filling, so do not worry about your bars looking ruddy or gritty. The only tell that goat bladders are used is that gamey tang as they melt in your mouth. Yum!

Tongue-n-Cheek Pralines: If you plan this one ahead of time, you can ask a few of your neighbors to save their tongues for you, but otherwise, unless You are having a huge Narrow Season celebration, You are going to have to get the goat tongue from your butcher in bulk. You’ll need at least ten, though if You are keen on harvesting the cheek meat also, you can get away with six or seven. I recommend the cheek meat, though if You are running short on time, it won’t hurt to skip it. Cut the tongues into quarters (or sixths if you have tongues from larger goats), and soak overnight in salted caramel sauce with the pureed cheek blended in. Carefully transfer onto a baking sheet and place in the oven on warm or your lowest temperature setting. Bake for three hours, adding an extra coat of caramel and pralines halfway through. These are meant to be a bit of a challenge to bite through, but if You are not feeling cheeky enough, just use a fork and knife.

Basic butt-n-butter bread: Some say this is peasant food, but a good butt-n-butter bread covered in jam is the perfect way to start a day. It is easiest to cut below the stomach and yank the intestinal tract out with one hard pull all the way to the anus. Purist will say to use both large and small intestines as not to let anything go to waste, but if You are up for a special delight, use the lower only. You’ll get a perfect rise on this one if you use stone ground wheat. Add a bit of honey for a little sweetness, and you won’t even need the jam! Use an extra cup of water if you want a version that’ll pour into a waffle iron. Best breakfast you’ll have for under fifty cents a serving, no ifs ands or butts!

Cinnamon Apple Heart Tarts: Your heart will skip a beat for these taste treats! A perfect way to celebrate an anniversary, this recipe turns one heart into two. You’ll need a heart-shaped mini-pan to pull these off. Harvest organ as fresh as possible. If You are doing your own slaughter, run that suck into the kitchen before it stops beating and toss it into a blender. Add in the cinnamon, apples (sweet or sour…depending on how you’d classify your relationship…) and agave syrup. If You are low-carb, you can skip the crust on this one since the bottom will caramelize perfectly, just be sure to wipe the pan down liberally with oil. Bake for thirty minutes, top with apple slices, and back ten more minutes. Serve hot out of the oven. Try it a la mode if you and your mate are already sizzling.

Udderly Delish Blackberry Cobbler: With so many udder meat recipes out there, it was hard to narrow it down, but this is one you do not want to miss. It can be tedious, but for the perfect presentation, You are going to want to cut the under into strips more or less the same width–about two inches. It is okay to include the teats, though if You are a stickler for conformity in your crust, you can cut them off. You’ll want to soak them in an egg and milk bath overnight and blot them dry. Line a greased 9 by 11 pan in a weave pattern, then pour in the blackberry filling. Bake for 45 minutes, and the filling is bubbling and just starting to caramelize along the edges. Dust lightly with graham cracker crumbles, and bake for five more minutes. Serve with whipped topping and milk for a titillating experience.

Coconut Cake with I-See Icing: Wake up a simple coconut sheet cake recipe by adding this gooey icing. You’ll need four sets of eyeballs for this, irises cored so that only the whites remain. An apple corer will work fine, or you can simply slice around it. Puree for thirty seconds, then folding the coconut icing and whip for twenty minutes. I hope you’ve got a stand mixer, but if you do not, believe me the ache in your arms will be worth it! Spread icing on a cooled cake, and serve. This tropical delight will be gone in a blink!

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I close the book. I may never want to eat again. I turn the cover over, and find the same title page, only it’s written in pig-latin! It’s difficult to read, but I’ve got forty-five minutes to waste, so what the hey!

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It’s NaNoWriMo-time!

Posted by Nicky Drayden on Nov 2, 2014 in Writer's Life

Words are being written. Characters are being created. Worlds are coming into fruition. It’s my favorite time of year! I’m 1748 words into this, and already it’s taken some turns that I didn’t expect. For one, I’ve decided to face my biggest writing fear and use gender neutral pronouns. The ey, em, eir, eirs, eirself set, which hopefully 50,000 words from now will feel like second nature, because right now, I have to look at a chart each time, and if I have to keep that up, it’s going to be a looooooong month.

Anyway, no time for blogging, but here’s a sneak peak at my novel, code name “Awesome Twin Awesome Novel.” Don’t ask. That’s just what I put into the NaNoWriMo site, and I’m sticking with it: http://nanowrimo.org/participants/nicolemd/novels/awesome-twin-awesome-novel/

Here’s a brief excerpt:

Vainglory

The quease of longing empties from my gut as I spy Kassir through the glass door of his classroom. Mrs. Maven paces at the front of the class in road-worn orthotics, her facial features as precisely angled as the writing across her chalkboard: Heed the Narrow Season, and a Fruitful Year Renewed. Her greetings may be merry, but the lines drawn on the foreheads of her students are not. Eyes gaze down at paper, pencils scribble furiously. Sweat drips from worried brows. Finally, Kassir feels my proximity, and sighs in frustration. He places his test pencil on his desk, then glares at me.

“What?” he mouths.

“I’m going out for a smoke with Geona. Meet us when you’re done,” I mouth back.

“What?” he says again. We may be twins, but he can’t read lips for shit.

“I’m–” I point to my chest. “Going out–” I make exaggerated swings with my arms and walk past the door. When I pop back up from below, a few other students have taken note of my presence. I catch a few half-smiles. “For a smoke–” I take a puff on an imaginary clove cig. “With Geona–” I cup my hands beneath my muscled chest and sashay like I’ve got the rack of a centerfold. This gets stifled giggles from a few students, and the mellow brown of Kassir’s cheeks flush red beneath.

Mrs. Maven stops her pacing, and as her eyes dart to the door, I duck out of sight.

“Concentrate, class,” I hear her say. “This exam will count for fifty percent of your final grade, and partial answers will not be accepted.”

I heave a sigh, thankful that I’d drawn Mr. Brerelle, fresh out of university, as my Bio teacher instead of Mrs. Maven. Bet he didn’t think, graduating from a Primways university, that he’d end up at some third-rate secular school, teaching sacrilege to a bunch of kids from one of poorest Comfies in the Coralease. He’d skimmed over so many chapters that we’d had our final exam weeks ago–all multiple choice. I’d aced it, but then again, it had been so easy that nearly everyone did.

“Mr. Okoye,” booms a deep voice from behind me. I look up from my crouch and panic when I catch a glimpse of Principal Boro’s reflection in the glass, bulky arms folded firmly across a laced lapel revealing just a hint of eir even bulkier chest. I forget how intimidating Boro is up close and personal, and somehow I resist the urge to ask for eir workout regimen.

“Principal Boro,” I stammer, then turn, “I was just–”

Boro plucks the cigs peaking out of my shirt pocket. “Getting back to class,” ey finishes for me. “And button that up. You’re in violation of dress code.”

“Yes, Principal Boro. Right away, Principal Boro.” You’ve never seen buttons get fastened so quickly. I’m out of there and running down the hall, so fast, Boro’s voice has gone soft before I hear that baritone “Walk. Mr. Okoye!” chasing after me.

I don’t walk, and I don’t return to class either. The narrow season has already started as far as I’m concerned. As soon as my feet hit pavement outside the school, my proximity with Kassir breaks and the quease is back–just a small granule buried an inch behind my navel. I feel my anger welling up, and all those things I’d wanted to cuss at Boro fill my saliva with bitterness. Finemister know-it-all, stole my cigs, and is probably smoking them now. I grab the collar of my uniform shirt with both hands, and tug until all the buttons pop loose. “Yes, Principal Boro, Right away, Principal Boro!” Sometimes I hate the person Kassir makes me, but left to my own devices, I’d be sitting in detention right now, or probably worse.

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Short Women in Space Recap!

Posted by Nicky Drayden on Oct 31, 2014 in Writer's Life
Short Women in Space

Space Woman Art based on photo by Zaprittsky, Creative Commons

This month I had the pleasure of reviewing 23 tales about women ( and other genders) living life in the void of space. It was eye-opening, the amount of good space fiction out there, and interesting to see how we envision ourselves as we trek across the stars.

Below are the gems I found. There’s a lot of variety–deep space travel, martian colonies, whacky aliens, interstellar war, so there ought to be something that tickles your fancy.

So check them out, and seek out more from these authors. I know I will!

Space Travel Loses its Allure When You’ve Lost Your Moon Cup by Sylvia Spruck Wrigley

Salvage by Carrie Vaughn

Lysistrata of Mars by Tory Hoke (Nicky’s Pick)

The Things They Were Not Allowed to Carry by Helena Leigh Bell

The Serial Killer’s Astronaut Daughter by Damien Angelica Walters

Ten Rules for Being an Intergalactic Smuggler (the Successful Kind) by Holly Black (Nicky’s Pick)

Found by Alex Dally MacFarlane

The Rocketeer by Rebecca Hodgkins

Dancing by M. E. Garber

Special Delivery by Maddie Engelfried

Communion by Mary Anne Mohanraj (Nicky’s Pick)

The Mythology of Salt by Octavia Cade

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Monkey by Ruth Nestvold

What Purpose a Heart by Rachael Acks

The Gaps in Translation by Andrea Corbin

The Hymn of Ordeal, No. 23 by Rhiannon Rasmussen (Nicky’s Pick)

Deep End by Nisi Shawl (Nicky’s Pick)

The Symphony of Ice and Dust by Julie Novakova

The Speaking Ground by Erica Satifka

Primrose or Return to Il’maril by Mary McMyne (Nicky’s Pick)

Red Dust and Dancing Horses by Beth Cato

Threads of Pearl, Writhing by Gwendolyn Clare (Nicky’s Pick)

Heroic Relics by Catherine H. Shaffer

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